“My understanding of this triangle began in childhood. Oftentimes its our Mum who is our first rescuer. But, back in the day, my Mum was a busy hospital doctor. I admired her so much but it also taught me that NOBODY was coming to rescue me. It was a good lesson to learn.”
Even the tinniest bit of “lack mentality” in any area of our life inevitably creates a weak boundary – it leaves us vulnerable. It will be around this area of lack that we’ll be most frequently triggered and pushed towards unhelpful behaviours that do not support living our best life.
Lack mentality has us thinking like a victim, and, eventually, turns us into a victim. This distorts our perception of everything; we find a persecutor or someone to blame and may even seek out those who can join with us in blaming and villainising! Eventually we’ll search for a rescuer and this is where our boundaries break down completely. We tell our “rescuer” everything; they are sympathetic and sweet – like treacle. And yes, they get us stuck!
A rescuer will not put us “back on our feet” and help us to reframe our experiences. No, they create a dependency and, one day, they will let us down too! At our lowest ebb and completely disempowered this may be when we seek solace in food, drink or something else that can numb this all out and make it go away…..
This concept is so central to ALL my work and it’s extremely personal too. But it also means that I will never be the rescuer and I only work with those who wish to rescue themselves. Because this creates survivors and survivors become thrivers.
I’ve lived through all of this – so I know – and I also know that in my work I can be seen as the rescuer – but I am not. I do not take anyone’s side against their GP, dastardly husband, bitch of a “best friend” or anyone else they think has let them down. No, no, no. But I will believe in YOU and remind you that you are capable of fighting your own battles – should you choose – or simply rising above it all!
This approach means that I frequently become the “villain”. But that’s fine with me!
My understanding of this triangle began in childhood. Oftentimes its our Mum who is our first rescuer. But, back in the day, my Mum was super-busy working as a hospital doctor. So, from an early age I learnt that NOBODY was coming to rescue me. It was a good lesson to learn.
Why am I sharing this?
Because, if you are stuck anywhere in this triangle then you’ll also stay stuck with behaviours that don’t serve your long-term wellbeing. Obviously a victim mindset is disempowering BUT inhabiting the rescuer space (as many women do) may also be holding you back because it is exhausting and the dependency it creates will erode your FREEDOM.
AND, it’s why, deep down, you sabotage every attempt to transform, because transformation means burning down some bridges or “cutting some ties” and its scary!
I do not pull anyone out of the triangle but I can show you how to gracefully step out of it yourself by consistently choosing behaviours that are self-respecting. And, I can help you find the chink in your boundary that you never even knew about! A key part of the process is learning how to befriend yourself and trust that you can deal with ANY villain. The thing is though, when you start to make some shifts you’ll look around and see that most of the villains have vanished into thin air and you are surrounded by beautiful souls who are rooting for you.
Wanna know more? Then let’s chat. I always offer a FREE clarity call; it’s a chance to learn more about the ways you can work with me and see if working together will be a good fit. My 12-week coaching programme is for women ready to make big shifts but there’s the clue – you need to be READY!
